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It's 1:18 and I cannot sleep.  The light from the McDonald's street sign is seeping through my curtains like that green smog you see in every Goosebumps novel or Scooby Doo mystery.  Outside my window an intoxicated male undergrad is harassing a homeless man over the sound of hemis driving by.  This is my reality. 
This post also probably belongs in a more appropriate place like my journal, but if using the internet for self exploitation or indulgence is wrong then I don't want to be right. 

Needless to say, if given the opportunity, I would get the hell out of here.  Every Thursday-Sunday I am; and I do.  As I write these words, a pocket-sized angel Ainsley hovers over my shoulder saying this will be "bad for business" and frankly might piss some people off.  So to ameliorate my predicament, I am not going to advertise this post; I trust the right people will (a) come across this and (b) continue reading. 

Good 'ole Rocky Top, right? For me, wrong.  In most (definitely not all!) aspects, very, very wrong.  There are more fast food chains within a ten mile radius than local restaurants, little to no recycling, air pollution, creeks near playgrounds with toxic chemicals aplenty...I will stop myself there.  In my fifth year as a Volunteer, ironically I find myself being held here against my will.  Until February 27th I am taking 19 hours and teaching 3 classes, leaving me with very little time to relax, be with friends, and take some f*cking yoga classes!! (Do you hear me, UT 'schedule builder' gods? Pick some new times!)  I may be a yogi, but I am (obviously) far from perfect. 

So here I am.  You know those maps that have it all laid out for you with a star that reads "YOU ARE HERE" in red? Oddly enough, the fact that I am P.O.UTK (get it?) is the very thing keeping me afloat right now.  Coming back to Knoxville in January from a Memphis/Bikram/family&friend high was a moderately depressing change of pace for which I knew I was not ready.  However, just like those maps, I know the roads that lie before me will take me to where I want to unfold the unique mystery, or "maya", that is my path. 
Sure, I'm not happy here.  But I have amazing friends, a wonderful yoga studio, and the strength of mind to know that all suffering is temporary.  I can also choose to sulk and complain about where I am, only to shorten my life and  wrinkle my complexion--add that to the list of shocking discoveries: as a 23 year old, I go above and beyond average wrinkle precautionary measures.  OR, I can know that while listening to rocky top, funneling beers and dayglo orange isn't necessarily "my bag", being a happy, healthy and conscientious human is.  By choosing to find the good, I am surrounded by good.  By choosing to be free, I am free. 

Each moment we are faced with a choice to be completely bound or completely free.  Which do you choose? Either way, "YOU ARE HERE". 

In light and love (and lack of sleep),
Ainsley